Dude Looks Like a Lady
by Sinful Temptation
Summary: Harry Potter gains an unexpected animagus form and as a result takes an opportunity to live a life of semi-safety with an alias he'd never thought he'd have, Severus Snape's daughter. Harry/? No Bashing.
1. Chapter 1

"It could be worse," Remus comforted after smothering a grin. Sirius was laughing so hard tears were leaking from his eyes.

Harry glared at them. "This isn't funny."

"Now Harry –" the werewolf began.

"Harriet!" Sirius gasped before once again dissolving in laughter.

Harry threw the animagus book at his head.

"This could be used to your advantage," Remus said.

"Used to my advantage?" Harry hissed, "A panther could be used to my advantage, a bird, a dog, a cat, a spider, a goddamn flubberworm could be used to my advantage. _But this_?"

"Well I would say it's at least more useful than a flubberworm," Remus muttered.

"Ah!" Harry yelled, finally chancing a look down.

Sirius fell to the ground, clutching his stomach.

Remus smirked, "They're quite large."

Harry scowled. "This. Is. Not. Funny," he repeated.

Harry glanced down again before moaning and burying his face in his hands. It didn't work very well, because They got in the way. Them _things_. Dear God.

Remus bit his lip as Sirius lost any sense of dignity by actually rolling on the floor.

"Perhaps we should call Mrs. Weasley in here," said Remus, "Hermione too. They're going to be more help with this than we are."

Remus gave Harry a shrug before stepping out of the study at number twelve Grimauld Place to find the girls. Harry shot Sirius a look of disgust.

He laughed harder.

Most of the women were in the kitchen when Remus found them. "Excuse me," he said politely, "but might I borrow Molly and Hermione for few moments?" Hermione shrugged and handed the tomatoes she'd been cutting to Ginny, but Mrs. Weasley looked flustered.

"I couldn't possible leave right now Remus," she said, "take Tonks. Surely she could help you with whatever you need?" It was fairly obvious that Mrs. Weasley was desperate to get the clumsy metamorphagus out of her kitchen.

"Of course," he said, "Girls?" They both followed him out of the kitchen.

"What's this about Mr. Lupin?" Hermione asked.

Remus had to take a second to keep himself from grinning like a loon. "You know how Harry has been working on his animagus form?"

He received two nods.

"Well he finally achieved it, but unfortunately his form has left us all rather flummoxed. We don't know much about it, but we felt sure you two would."

"What's his form?" asked Tonks.

Remus gave in and grinned like loon. "You'll see."

Hermione and Tonks shared a dubious look before shrugging and walking through the study door. They were stopped by the sight of the prettiest girl either of them had ever seen. She had dark tan skin and jet black hair that fell down to just below her shoulders in messy waves. She had a perfect hour glass figure; huge breasts, a tiny waist, and a shapely bum. Her lips were a dark pink and her cheeks were stained a rather attractive red by her blush. Tonks honestly didn't think she could make herself become as pretty as this teenager before her and felt a spike of resentment. Hermione had similar thoughts of jealousy before she saw her mortified emerald green gaze, which seemed rather familiar . . .

"Harry?" the muggleborn witch demanded incredulously. Tonks's jaw dropped.

The girl nodded, looking miserable. "Hey 'Mione."

"This is your animagus form?" Tonks questioned, aghast.

She nodded again.

"Merlin's bloody balls," Hermione cursed, "that's just not fair."

Harry's jaw dropped.

Tonks nodded, grumbling and crossing her arms.

Remus joined Sirius in the undignified position of rolling on the floor laughing.

"How?" Hermione demanded, still eyeballing Harry's new features.

"I don't know," Harry moaned, "I took the potion, said the spell, and got _this_."

"You don't have to sound so horrified," Tonks said, "There are girls that would kill for your body. I'd kill for your body."

Harry gave her a flat eyed stare, "That's just creepy, Tonks."

"Sorry," she said, "so first things first, are you a girl all the way through?"

Harry gave her yet another a flat stare.

"Do you think like a girl?" Hermione clarified.

"I don't know! How do girls think?"

"Well," Hermione said slowly, "you're straight, right Harry? Never been attracted to a guy before?"

"Of course I'm straight!" Harry sputtered.

"What about now?" Tonks asked, leaning forward with a peculiar look in her eye.

"Try Draco Malfoy," Hermione suggested.

Harry was horrified, "He's a bloody prick!"

Hermione shrugged, unconcerned, "That doesn't have anything to do with how he looks. And let's face it, that slimy little death eater is simply gorgeous." She ignored Harry's look of revulsion, "Just do as I say."

Harry rolled his eyes before closing them and seeing Malfoy's arrogant smirk, his stupid egotistical walk, the way his pants clung to his thighs, those petty eyes set in that handsome face, they way his ridiculously expensive robes moved against his chiseled chest. . .

"Oh dear lord," she moaned.

"I'll take that as a yes," Hermione observed.

Tonks jumped to her feet with a grin, "Let's go shopping!"

"Good idea," the brunette agreed.

"Shopping?" Harry demanded, "I turn into a girl and you want to go shopping?"

"Trust us," Hermione assured as she and Tonks linked arms with her, "it's the quickest way for you to understand your inner woman."

"And the best part is we can put the entire thing on Sirius's account," Tonks finished in relish.

Remus laughed harder from his place on the floor as the Black lord started crying.

"First things first," said Hermione, "bras and panties." They were in muggle London after going to Gringotts to exchange galleons for pounds.

Harry gulped as they marched into a department store. "You're probably a 34 D," Tonks said, handing him a black lacy thing. Hermione handed him a white one and purple one. Tonks then threw in an emerald green one for good measure. "Try them on," she encouraged.

Harry looked from the bras to the girls, bewildered. Tonks had no pity as she pushed her towards the dressing room.

Harry frowned at the bras before taking off her shirt and gingerly unhooking it from the hanger. She looked at it uncomprehendingly for a moment before sighing and calling out tentatively, "'Mione?"

"Yes? Are you done?"

Harry winced, "No. Help?"

"Really Harry," she huffed, bustling into the changing room. "Damn," she said as she took the bra from Harry and helped her into it.

"What?" Harry asked, thinking that this should really more awkward.

"Your breasts are humongous," Hermione said.

Harry felt the beginnings of annoyance surfacing. "I didn't ask for this," she pointed out.

"Just be grateful," Hermione advised, adjusting the straps efficiently. "There, these look fine."

Harry stared at the white lacy thing with a raised eyebrow. "How can you tell?"

"It offers cover, support, and cleavage. No come on, we have so much more to do."

Harry felt very afraid.

"I . . . didn't hate it," observed Harry four hours later with some surprise as the three girls settled into their seats in the Leaky Cauldron.

"Of course not," Tonks scoffed. "You're a girl Harry. Girls, on a whole, like to shop. Like boys like to blow stuff up, on a whole."

They'd been to over a dozen stores and had the ridiculous amount of bags to show for it.

"Come on," said Hermione, tugging at Harry's hand. "We're going to get you made up before we go back to number twelve."

"Made up?" Harry asked in alarm.

"Go on," said Tonks, stretching out, "I'll order for you two."

"You're still wearing your boy clothes," said Hermione practically before shoving him into the loo. "You only get to wear those when you're a boy." She dug around in one of the bags before handing her an outfit. "Come on, get dressed. I'll wait."

Harry grimaced before doing as she was told, coming out five minutes later feeling decidedly awkward. "I don't know if I can manage these heels," she admitted, grabbing onto the sink for support.

"Of course you can," the young Gryffindor scoffed, "you're the youngest seeker in a century. It's all balance."

"No make up?" she asked hopefully.

Hermione pursed her lips in thought. "We'll gloss you later, but if you let Tonks do the hair curling charm I guess you don't need make up."

Harry let out a sigh of relief before taking a step forward and falling flat on her face.

Harry sashayed - a particular move that had taken her an hour to master – up to Grimauld place and walked through the door into the hustle and bustle of the living room. The noise was quickly replaced by silence. Staring at all those slack jawed faces, Harry wished she'd convinced the girls to let her come home a boy.

Fred and George let out a low whistle in unison, and for once Remus and Sirius weren't mocking him. In fact, they looked almost . . . angry? That didn't make any sense. The other Weasleys displayed various states of shock, and the Order members were either in a similar situation or understandably confused.

Harry was clad in a green crimped shirt that was halfway unbuttoned revealing a black lace camisole, and she had on a tight black jean skirt that bound her thighs together and classy black pumps. Her hair was curled only enough to be wavy and her coral lips were glossed a deep vibrant pink. The seventeen year old was drop dead gorgeous.

"What?" she demanded sharply in a tone that was just so _Harry_ that it broke everyone out of their shock. Fred and George grinned as they bounded to her, grasping her around the waist on either side.

"Babe, you must be tired," said George.

"Because you've been running through my mind all day!" finished Fred.

Harry stared at them uncomprehendingly, "What?"

Ron squinted and blushed, scratching the back of his head, "I don't know how to tell you this mate, but you're hot."

"I'm what?" she demanded, appalled.

"Sexy," said Sirius grimly, "this won't do."

"Oh no," agreed Remus, "this won't do at all."

"What?" she said again, the only appropriate response to this entire episode.

"You're far too good looking for your own good," said Remus.

"You know boys only want one thing," Sirius began eyeing the twins critically.

Harry resisted the urge to throttle her godfathers. "Sirius, I know what boys are after. Do you know why? BECAUSE I BLODDY WELL AM ONE!"

There was a small silence that was broken by Molly Weasly, "Your lack of penis says otherwise, dear."

. . .

"Mom!" seven horrified voices exclaimed.

"Well it's true!" defended the older woman.

Severus Snape walked into the room, casually sipping a cup of tea. He gave a cursory glance around the room and froze when he saw Harry. His lips twitched for a moment before carefully set the cup on the side table. "Ms. Potter," he greeted, "has anyone ever told you you look like your mother, but have your father's hair?"

Harry threw one of her classy black pumps at his head. He ducked and bent over, laughing long and hard. When not putting on a show for Deatheater children or sulking about his depressing past, Severus Snape tended to be a rather pleasant man, if sarcastic.

Harry felt as if she could happily kill everyone in this room and not feel the least bit guilty about it. Her homicidal tendencies were interrupted by Percy, who had a thoughtful look in his eyes.

"Think she could seduce you-know-who?"

Everyone abruptly turned to the middle Weasly child with horrified expressions. He remained unrepentant. "What better time to kill him than when he's clouded over with lust?"

"Absolutely not!" cried Sirius and Remus at once.

"Alright," agreed Harry. Her godfathers shot him a murderous glare.

"He has a point," Harry said.

"No!" said Molly before cuffing her son on the back of his head.

Severus had stilled and looked oddly thoughtful, "You don't have a scar in this form," he pointed out. "No one is going to recognize you for you. I once dated a girl with green eyes."

"And?" Harry asked with a raised eyebrow.

Snape looked at him as if he were especially thick. "Your life as yourself is a complete mess. You had three attempted assassinations just after Christmas of last year. I think Harry Potter should disappear for a while, and I should regain a long lost daughter."

"ABSOLUTELY NOT!" roared Sirius, taking a menacing step towards Severus. Remus grabbed his arm, lips pursed in thought.

"It would make everyone's lives easier," Remus admitted. "What do you think Harry?"

Harry tilted his head to the side. After last year's Occlomency lessons and the split second decision he'd made to trust Snape to check on Sirius before running off to the Ministry, the two had gained an unexpected peace and camaraderie of the other, accepting that not everything is as it seems and some things are.

"Alright."


	2. Chapter 2

A/N I'm so sorry the update took so long. I've had all but the last three lines written for the past two weeks, but I couldn't figure out how to finish it up. I'm not completely happy with this chapter, what do you guys think? Once again really sorry, and thanks for reading!

Harry glared at all the slack jawed, snot nosed first years around her. This was not her idea of fun, standing and around being stared at by eleven year olds – and at least half Hogwarts population. The male half. Though to be fair, quite a few girls were glaring at her with hate.

"Emerald Lillian Snape," McGonagall said clearly. Subtle, thought Harry as she settled upon the withered old stool, real subtle. Just before the rim of the Sorting Hat slumped over her eyes, she was treated to the sight of everyone gawking at the potions professor. Served him right.

_Ms. Potter, what a lovely surprise, _chimed the Hat, _lovely idea as well. Where shall I put you?_

Gryffindor of course! she thought in surprise, Where else would you put me?

_Where I should have put you in the first place,_ the Hat declared smugly, _After all, Severus Snape's daughter wouldn't really fit in anyplace else but _"SLYTHERIN!"

Harry resisted the urge to throw the hat to the ground and grind it into the stone with the toe of her two inch heels. She hated heels – she was wearing sneakers tomorrow, and no one was going to stop her. Hermione and the Weasleys looked sympathetic, but not shocked. After knowing someone for nearly six years, you tend to notice their traits. The twins winked at her jauntily, here for her 'protection' at her dogfathers' insistence, under the cover of getting their NEWTS. She rolled her eyes and walked down to the aisle to her table and picked a spot at the end where no one was around her.

Remus raised an eyebrow at her from the head table, but she ignored him. The rest of sorting was slow and tedious, especially with all the stares and whispers around her.

After all the midgets were sorted, Dumbledore stood and smiled at them all. "Children, I can hear your stomachs, so I shall be brief. Mr. Flilch would have me remind you that all products of Zonko's and WWW are strictly forbidden, as is spell casting in the corridors."

The first years looked grave and serious, but the older years weren't even paying attention. It's not like anyone bothered listening to the rules anyway. "Also, I'd like you all to treat Ms. Snape with the kindness and courtesy that is expected of Hogwarts. Now, tuck in!" With a jaunty clap, food flickered into existence on their plates and they dug in.

Harry piled her plate high with steak, mashed potatoes, and broccoli. She tensed when Pansy, Millicent, Blaise, and Draco crowded in around her. I hate my life, she thought despondently.

"Hi!" Pansy said with a friendly smile, "I'm Pansy, and this is Draco, Blaise, and Millicent."

Harry nodded, seeing as her mouth was full. She forced the steak down, "Pleasure. The name's Emerald."

Their stares were expectant. She raised an eyebrow in response.

"Why is it my godfather's never mentioned you before? How come I've never met you?" Draco asked, deciding to abandon the subtly approach.

Harry leaned on her elbow and settled her chin into her French manicured hand. Pansy winced, what appalling manners. "Ma knew that Dad was a Deatheater and so once she found out she was pregnant, she ran far far away. All the way to Ireland," Harry rolled her eyes, "to stay close to her parents. Two years later, I was a year old and Voldemort was dead so my mother told him the truth. From the stories, I think he wanted to strangle her then kidnap me, but he didn't think Voldemort was gone forever, he hid my existence. Ma died last year, and my father would sooner have my grandparents raise me than toss me in the ocean, so I'm here." She took a sip of her water, "Do spread that around, I'd hate to say it twice."

They stared at her. She didn't seem all that concerned with the loss of her mother, though apparently she'd had a year to get over it. Still, it was strange. "Was she pretty?" asked Pansy.

Harry smiled real bright, still slouched, and nodded. "Thank Merlin I got her nose."

Blaise made a chocking, inelegant sound and she was then treated to the sight of four Slytherins trying not to laugh, and only semi-succeeding.

The next morning at breakfast, she blinked as Luna sat next to her, rather close. "Hello?"

"Hello HJ," she greeted, a bit too loudly for Harry's taste. It was so early that they were only among a dozen or so students in the great hall.

She didn't even bother trying to deny it. "Call me Emerald. How did you know?"

"The warbles told me," the blond sixth year informed.

"Right," Harry sighed, slumping in her seat. Her robes were on the seat beside her, she was completely unwilling to wear the school uniform, it made her look far too sexy. Which was wrong. How come it didn't make Hermione look so shagable? She'd stepped into the Slytherin common room and a fourth year had gotten a nose bleed and fainted. Not the reaction she'd wanted. She'd changed into jeans and a long t-shirt, put her hair in a ponytail, and blessed sneakers.

What she wasn't aware of, but Fred and George noticed the second they stepped in the Great Hall, was that the jeans were tight and low rise, with fading and jewels to attract attention to all the places that the twins wished didn't attract attention. The shirt was a soft pink, the perfect foil for her dark black hair, and it hugged her voluptuous breast so tightly that cleavage would have been pointless.

They stomped over and sat across from her and Luna at the Slytherin table. Remus thought he hadn't seen so much table switching before Harry was a girl. He then realized the strangeness of that thought, and promptly dismissed it.

"Put on your robe," Fred ordered tersely.

"Excuse me?" Harry raised an eyebrow.

George reached over and shoved it into her chest. "You're not decent," he insisted.

"The only things showing are my hands and my neck and face," she said with the limited amount of patience she had.

"You're way too hot," said Fred, "please do as we say."

Harry considered stupefying them and banishing them to the bottom of the lake, but decided that malicious magic would ruin her muffin. She liked her muffin.

She put on her robe and the twins breathed a sigh of relief.

A trembling hand tapped her on the shoulder, and she turned around to the sight of a blushing, sweating Neville Longbottom. He'd lost his baby fat and gained a few more inched, looking rather handsome really, but still had very poor confidence. "Emer-er-erald?" he stuttered.

"Yes?" she said, making sure to smile and not to make any sudden movements as not to scare him off. She snickered in her head and got the image of Hagrid stalking Neville with a large butterfly net. All thought was lost in the next sentence out of poor Neville's mouth.

"Would you – you – you like to – to go on da – date with me – me?"


End file.
